Friday, April 24, 2015

4 Reasons Why We Dislike Good Leaders

We don't typically like good leaders, not in real time anyway. Maybe we like them after the facts, after they've accomplished good things. And maybe we like them because we didn't have to work too closely with them.

The four guys in the picture stirred it up pretty good. Three of them got shot for it. Good leaders aren't all famous people on Wikipedia. They're pastors, mayors, business women. You probably know some. And you don't like them, here's why:

1. They disrupt the status quo.

What we like is the familiar; we like things the way they are. We like comfortable. Leaders are wired for change, for progress.

We want progress too, but we're weird. I'll show you: We all like better roads, fewer stops and easier driving. We just hate construction. We even hate roundabouts--just because we didn't grow up with them.

Leaders understand that to go from here to there, there are growing pains, and they choose discomfort in lieu of our comfort. And we don't like that.

2. They rarely do the obvious.

What we like is common sense. We'd prefer that people in charge would do things the way that we would. But leaders are wired with uncommon sense.

When leaders do what we would do, we feel validated; we feel smart. When they run a play that's less conventional, that we never would've thought of, we feel dumb, or simply think they're an idiot. If you want common sense leadership that won't change things much and will help you stay comfortable, get a manager. Leaders have uncommon sense, it's what makes them a leader. We just don't like their unpredictability.

3. They're more focused on the future than making us happy.

When we dislike a leader, it's usually because she's messing with our current situation. But leaders are focused on the long play while we're focused on the short game.

Great leaders are pushing for a future that's better than today. That often means we have to make some sacrifices now to get to a better tomorrow.

For instance, when a local leader tries to build up the heart of a city and make it attractive so that people will want to stay or move into your community, the goal is a future tax base that's bigger than it is now. And that might involve funds being allocated today in such a way that's irritating to you. Good leaders are usually more focused on making our children happy than us happy, and we don't like that.

4. They see things we can't.

Part of this is vision. They envision a future that's outside of the box and better than we can realistically imagine. The fact that we can't see their idea of the future or don't believe we can achieve their vision, makes it easy for us to dislike them.

The other part is they actually see things we can't: inner-workings, strategy meetings, detailed reports, financial summaries etc. They're typically up to their eyeballs in data by the time we're hearing about their latest crazy idea. While we're up to our eyeballs in social media speculation and all the "wise" counsel of our friends that have no data, just endless common sense opinions.

When we think everything has a simple solution, we're making uninformed opinions about the leaders who have all the informed data.

Wrap up.

Now, look back at the picture at the top of this post. Read the main points again. It makes sense, doesn't it? Now...picture a leader you don't like because of what he/she is doing. These same four things could very well be at work in that situation too.

Peace, my friends ;-)

Saturday, January 24, 2015

3 Reasons Why We Like to See People Fail in Kokomo

Downtown Baseball Complex in progress

Lately there are local stories of a downtown business or two ready to close up, and of course there's the ongoing challenge of the new baseball stadium. In both of these, people are both happy and sad, which got me to wonder, "Why would we ever want people in our community to fail?"

We don't typically outright say that we want people to fail, but we think it. I have. It's not something I'm proud of, rather it's something I've noticed that I want to change. For me, the reason I haven't been sad to hear of a business closing is:

1. Pride

Pride is about being right. "See, I told you they wouldn't make it." "What did I tell you? That mayor is a jerk; see, this proves it!"

When I get a twisted sense of happiness over being right in regard to real people's failures, that's a problem. That's unattractive.

(Just to be clear, pride in terms of one's country, child etc is perfectly fine and good. I'm talking here about being prideful, which means thinking you're more important or better than other people.)

What's a healthy response to people's failures? Sadness. Considering that these real people and their real employees no longer have money coming in or worse, debt they can't repay. It's considering that if the stadium doesn't get done, it will reflect poorly on all of us--even those saying, "I told you so!"

In situations of failure, the past rarely if ever matters. What matters is now, everyone involved, and the future. And by the way, the opposite of pride is humility or perhaps compassion even. Pride is always about us. The truth is we've never seen someone focused on himself and said, "I want to be like him!" We're repelled by pride while the people we're most drawn to are focused on others.

The best life is one focused on others, not on our self. So the next time I feel myself saying, "See, I was right," over someone's failure. I'm going to realize that reveling in being right, is wrong.

2. Politics

I appreciate politics. It's responsible for all the good things we take for granted. If you don't understand that statement, travel to any third world country. And for the record, I've never voted a straight ticket and I have great friends on both sides of the aisle.

But where politics goes awry is when being a __________ is more important than being a Kokomoan or a Hoosier or an American.

When an administration is up against a challenge and half the people stand by and watch, or worse, fan the flames, this elevates the party over the city, state, or country. It also entices us to cross over into bad character when we enjoy seeing someone fail.

I know everyone's not into God, but there are a lot of proclaiming Christians in the political arena. So when we as Christians enjoy watching people fail, verses being part of the solution, we're fighting against people for whom Christ died.

I know that's a little heavy, but the truth about our community is it's heavily Christian.

I love all the things politics gets done. I loathe the division it creates because mankind is always at it's best when it's unified, when we're together.

"The reason why the world lacks unity, and lies broken and in heaps, is because man is disunited with himself." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Our flag is not just one of many political points of view. Rather, the flag is symbol of our national (and local) unity." -Adrian Cronauer

"A house divided cannot stand." -Abe Lincoln paraphrasing Mark 3:25

When politics baits me to jump in and have a view of elected officials that's less kind than Jesus would have me be, I back away from politics so that I can embrace and be for people--all people, even those I didn't vote for.

3. We're not the people our parents hoped we'd be

Sometimes we're just not nice, and the only difference between now and when we were 10 is that there's no wise voice to grab us and say, "Stop it! Treat others like you'd like to be treated!"

Think about it: you are so much better of a person than to enjoy seeing people fail. Businesses are people. Governments are people. As soon as we fail to see that, we've unknowingly dehumanized life making it easier for us to be mean spirited.

One thing is true: people will fail. Businesses and governments will fail. How we respond to these events, internally in our minds, or externally in social media and in our actions, defines the people that we will be.

Every day in every response, we define our character. I write this because what I want for you and me is be better people. More humble, less prideful, more compassionate and perhaps even at times, part of the solution.


Saturday, December 6, 2014

Advent (The Arrival wk 1)

click the image to watch this talk at Oakbrook Church from 11.30.14

Click here for a free PDF manuscript of my talk at Oakbrook.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Permission Slip wk 1

click the image to watch the video

This is Your Permission Slip wk 1: God at the Gate

For a free PDF manuscript click here.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

10 Reasons to Take Yourself to the Summit


1. We need to be inspired

None of us are overflowing with events or situations that are inspiring us--inspiring us that God can do great things, in and around our lives. The Summit is an inspiration injection.

2. It's in Kokomo

Something amazing and life-altering is happening in our back yard. Take advantage of something God has brought so conveniently close.

3. You haven't been to camp since you were a kid

Every summer we send our kids to camps to get better: science, sports, cheer, church camps etc. It's time we invested in us getting better. These 2 days will help us be better with the other 363. I learned about "early and late adopters" that I wrote about in this post at the Summit.

4. God shows up

He just does. He uses this environment in a unique and faithful way. How many environments can we walk into, knowing that the Spirit will be palpable at some point? This is one of them. And if you're not into God, but into leadership, the God stuff won't be freaky, I promise.

5. It's World Class

In a world where we over-sell everything, the people and content here are truly some of the world's best. Every year the faculty is a best of list from diverse fields around the globe. Check out this year's faculty.

6. People are depending on you

Whether we're a housewife to a leader of a large company, people are depending on us: family, co-workers, neighbors, congregants, fellow citizens. We are all tied together and when you and I attend the Summit, we get a little bit better and that positively impacts the people around us.

7. Life takes it out of us

Every day is challenging. Often we're grinding it out. We're so busy cutting down trees we never stop to sharpen the saw (S. Covey). The Summit puts something special into us. As challenging as life is, we need opportunities like the Summit to re-sharpen us for a world that can dull us down.

8. One thing will change your life

We never know what or how, but without fail, there's always one profound thing that marks us when we take in the Summit. Something happens that instills a profound change, either in paradigm or actual transformation.

9. It's a ridiculous bargain

For the people of Oakbrook to pay this small fee in return for this huge faculty and world class event is, well, ridiculous. Instead of buying dinner at a decent restaurant for the family, register for the Summit. How much money do you spend in a year to make yourself better? Spend a little, reap a lot. It's normally $249, but for Oakbrook and our Partner Churches, it's a phenomenal bargain. If you attend these churches, click on the appropriate link:


10. Pat Lencioni

No one dispenses exceptional content with unique humor and delivery like Pat Lencioni (Len-CHO-knee). You will love him.

August 14-15, Thurs-Fri 9:30-5:30
(Special pricing for Oakbrook attenders ends midnight July 15)

Why do Oakbrook attenders get special pricing?
Good question. It's because hosting this event costs the host financially and in lots of volunteer and staff man hours. It takes a lot to pull off an event of this caliber so the Willowcreek Association compensates the host church in appreciation of all that goes into hosting.

Monday, June 23, 2014

The Worst Thing You Can Say...

When I'm at a business and I'm greeted by an employee and I ask, "How are you?" The worst thing I hear back is:

"I'll be doing great when I'm off in about 20 minutes."

This feels almost as ubiquitous as the checkout question, "Did you find everything ok?" (Sorry, blog within a blog here.) I made it to the checkout with the item; is this the best question you have?

Sorry, back to the topic ;-) "I'll be doing great when I'm off in about _____ minutes" communicates so much in that tiny sentence. It says:

  • I've forgotten you're a customer by the way I'm treating you like a fellow employee.
  • Whatever I'm doing here is far from what I like to do.
  • I don't really respect what I do for a living even though I chose this job.
  • I'm foolishly brazen. I didn't even look over my shoulder before I said it.
  • I'm apparently not good at talking with customers.
  • I'm putting up with whatever you might ask of me until I get to do something interesting.

So here's the tension: I write this and get it off my chest. You read it and nod along, "Morgan, you're so right!"

But now, I have to do something the next time this happens. Why? If I don't, I'm just a crabby old guy with a blog. Seriously, the easiest thing to do is make commentary on life; take pot shots.

So now I have to find a way to turn the tide, because most of the people I'm talking about don't read my blog. And I'll have to be nice when I say something. I never got rebuked by an old dude with an air of superiority and thought, "That was cool."

Here's my game plan: (E. = employee. MY = me)

E: "I'll be doing fine when I get off in 10 minutes."

MY: "Do you mind if I share something with you?"

(Start by asking permission. When offering something that might be hard to hear, I always ask permission. And before I ask, I check my motivation: am I trying to make a point or trying to help? Unless I'm honestly trying to help, I should shut up. Making a point is selfish; trying to help is humility.)

E: (cautiously) "Uh, sure."

MY: (Sincerely) "When you said that just now, about doing better when you get off--you probably never thought how that sounds on this side of it, but it sounds like you don't want to be here and then don't really want to wait on me."

E: "Oh hey, sir, I didn't mean to..."

MY: "Hey it's ok--I know a lot of people say that. I said something because I'm just a guy trying to help. (smiling) Now where are the routers?"

During and after that exchange, if I'm not seriously nice to the employee I've totally screwed this up. If I come off in my actions, like I really care, then maybe my words have a chance.

I'm guessing when this happens he or she will tell all the people on the shift and maybe people on the other shifts the rest of the week. The story might get told like I was a douche; that's ok. The story will get told and maybe some amount of positive change will come about.

All I know is it takes all of us to get better. If all I do is make observations that never turn into helpful interactions, then what good am I really?

Who knows, you may even take a stab at this the next time some well-meaning employee let's you know they'll be going great in a few more minutes ;-)


Thursday, June 19, 2014

There is One Thing I Dislike about Downtown

So after 20 months into owning and operating the Main Street Cafe, there is one thing I don't like about downtown Kokomo: the factions.

"This group doesn't like that group." 
"This guy doesn't like that guy." 
"She was mean to me so I don't like her."

Right now some of you are saying to yourself, "Dear, dear Morgan. You are so naive. This is how communities are. This is how life is."

If you believe that, you're part of the problem.

If you've resigned yourself to that reality, you're contributing to that paradigm. I'm not writing this with the direct intent of cheesing people off; I'm writing this because I want our city to live up to it's potential. And part of living up to a potential involves putting down childish or immature ways.

Sandra and I are friends of people like Scott Pitcher, Greg Goodnight, and Paul Wyman. (Slow down: this isn't a piece defending or elevating these men--stay with me. I hate articles that are so vague you really can't follow along. So I use these guys here because they have thick skin and you'll better be able to follow along. And just because I mentioned those men, please don't think that this is about them. This is about a broader issue involving more people than I even know.)

And just to be clear, we are good friends with people who do not like these guys. As Sandra says of herself, "I'm Switzerland." ;-) These guys are local lightning rods: people tend to love 'em or hate 'em. And again, people love or hate way more people in our downtown community than just these guys.

When I hear the banter of, "He doesn't like me," or, "She treated me poorly." I go right back to an elementary school playground. Why? Because that's the level of this kind of behavior.

"Sally doesn't like me so I'm NOT talking to her and her friends; I'm just talking to my friends. (Crossed arms into pout.)"

We think because we're grownups and wear suits and business dresses that these conversations with our side about so-n-so in the ______ department is mature and normal. It's not. It's the kind of behavior we scold our children for if we observe it in them. We coach our kids:

"Billy, seek first to understand."
"Don't be as bad as the other guy."
"Take the high road."
"Why don't you talk to him about it."

Here's the thing: I'm not writing this because we have a little discord, a little difference of opinion between (for example) city and county, republicans and democrats. We've wrongly taken the lead of national figures who openly do not like other national figures. And where it used to be that we didn't like their policy or agenda, now we don't like them. And that's wrong.

And why does this matter? It matters because the fabric of a community is not policy. The fabric of a community isn't the side that gets its way the most. The fabric of a community isn't new buildings. The fabric of a community is relationship.

So I write this because when I see us unknowingly tear at the fabric of our community via the kinds of conversations we'd chastise our children for, I want to call us to something higher, something better, something more emblematic of our potential as a community.

What we don't realize is this petty personal factionalism that we've created, becomes readily apparent to people who are new to our community; they quickly sniff it out. And it's not attractive.

And the truth is, how we choose to get along today will be part of our legacy to young people who will someday be Kokomo's most influential people. They will do as we do.

This can change easily--one interaction at a time:

  • Stop talking negatively about specific people behind their backs. You are a person of influence. People follow your lead. Lead well in how you talk about others.

  • Walk away when other people start talking negatively about someone. Or if you're bold enough, ask them to stop in a polite humble way.

  • If you know you're on the outs with someone (regardless of how or why) ask for a meeting. It can start this simply, "I don't want it to be the way it's been..." Or, "I'm sorry." Or, "I don't understand why...can you help me understand?" Don't be concerned if they'll reciprocate; you do the right thing and see what happens.

  • If you're a person of faith try this: pray for the person you don't like. It's really hard to pray for someone and hate them. Trust me, I know. Been there, prayed that ;-)

  • Find something to appreciate in someone you don't like. I've yet to meet a person who has no redeeming qualities--the question is, are we willing to look for them.

Here's another nugget to chew on. Let's say you have a deep dislike for someone in our community. The truth is it just rusts your soul and furrows your brow. The recipient of your dislike sleeps fine.

We don't have to be everyone's best friend. But the fabric of our community is stitched together through relationships. And the holes in the fabric of our community are ripped by discord, animosity, and misunderstanding.

As I land this post, know that I've written it for you. Not for them. You cannot control them. You can only control you. Don't share this with "someone who really needs to read this" until you first do a reflective self-exam.

A community reaches its potential when you and I do everything we can to bring our best to each and every relational interaction. You and I are the fabric of this community. Change isn't a thing; it's a person. It's you and me, everyday.