Sunday, March 12, 2017

The Absence of this Word is Eroding our Culture

I’ll never forget the first time I saw a bumper sticker on a car that read bitch.

What?! Why would that woman…?! She put that on her own car?!

I couldn’t understand why a woman would take a colossal slur and turn it into a trophy. And just so we’re clear, the only people who think the term bitch is positive are other women with the same bumper sticker. I’ll show you:

“Hey, why don’t you come over tonight? I’m grilling and I’ve got some new micro brews and a couple women from my office will be there; they’re real bitches.”

“Uh, no. No thanks, I think I’ll pass.”

Something started happening a few years ago. We started settling. We masked it in proclaiming that we’re tired of being politically correct. But somewhere along the way, instead of seeing opportunities to grow, instead of working on our temper and social skills, we decided to camp out on our less-than-positive traits and even proudly proclaimed them.

And it’s easy to see why: It’s easier to put a bitch sticker on one’s car than it is to learn how to turn a mean-spirited, volatile temper into something kinder and more respectful of others.

And bump stickers like My kid beat up your honor student are funny, but it’s easier to make excuses or defend our child than it is to walk with them through the quagmire of wise decisions, humility, work ethic, respect and the like.

When I was growing up through my teens and early twenties, I was so cocky, so full of myself, trying to compensate for an upbringing that wasn’t up to my snuff. I was full of pride and full of me, at the expense of you.

And somehow, mysteriously or spiritually or both, I began to see my arrogance as the character flaw that it was. And so I aspired to be a person who was more humble than arrogant.

The truth is, it would have been easier to put a Cocky SOB bumper sticker on my car. It would have been easier to settle into a lesser version of myself.

Listen, it’s always harder to aspire than it is to settle. (And for the record, it’s not like I’m arrogance-free at this point. It’s still an aspiration.)

I’m concerned that we are much less of an ASPIRE culture and much more of a Popeye culture: “I am what I am!”

The word ASPIRE is desperately missing from our culture.

History has been forged by people who aspired for better and many of those people shaped our lives. 

We don’t know any of the Popeye people by name. People who settled didn’t move themselves or anyone else forward.

But history is full of people who aspired. Our lives reap the benefit of people who aspired:

Joan of Arc, even though an illiterate peasant girl, aspired to make a difference beyond her station in life.

Beethoven aspired to compose music even through the challenge of deafness.

Nelson Mandela aspired to be a lawyer amid the South African apartheid system.

Rosa Parks aspired to do something as simple and profound as sit in the white part of a bus in the racial segregation of the deep south.

People pushing, grinding, aspiring for better, is what has made people and countries great.

And please get this: this happens at the micro level—this happens when arrogant guys like me aspire for something better. It happens when you decide to not be a Popeye person, “Well, I am what I am!

It happens when women take the energy and strength of their bitchiness and channel it into civility and lead and influence in ways that move things forward instead of just tearing people down.

So many times our character flaw is just the bad expression of a positive trait.

My positive trait is that I can take a hill, take people with me and help them grow in the process. 

The same fire that fuels that, is the same fire that can make me arrogant and pushy on a bad day or when I’m tired.

So, what about you?

In what area, in what way do you need to aspire to something more or something better?

Greatness happens when you and I aspire to be the best with whatever was given to us.
All of us have been given a toolbox of heredity, abilities, personality, natural wirings and physical capacity.

Given what you have and what’s going on in your neck of the world, what do you need to aspire to?

A marriage gets better, when I aspire for more and I get better.

A family gets better when a member aspires to bring more healthy interaction to the table.

A city gets better every time a person aspires to figure out how they can make even a small difference.

And a country gets better every time one of us aspires to maximize whatever’s been given to us in our toolbox.

So, tell me: What are your aspirations?