Monday, July 28, 2008


There is this duality. It is on one hand this enigmatic free-flowing abstract relationship with Christ. This thing that keeps telling me that it’s not about logic and linear—it keeps calling me to break down all the walls and ways modern life seems to want to frame and define it. It keeps saying, “Be.” “Be with Me in the unique ways I have created you. No formulas. No secret code. In idiosyncrasy and oddity, be—you and me.”

And on the other hand is the structure of a church. Leaders in rank and groups assigned to tasks. And somehow this organization, these leaders, have to lead out of this place of the abstract “Be,” yet in organized unity and within the lines and definitions of an organization. It’s as if my life as a staff person is to live the abstract painting; yet within the confines of canvas and frame.

And in this duality it can be hard to draw my worth solely from Christ when at the same time functioning within an organization where we’re all trying to be very effective for Christ. It is in essence trying to “be” and to “do” at the same time. Yes, my being is anchored and has value only in Christ. Yet my calling, my job, is performance based—not just by human standards, for I shall in the future “give an account...”
All I really know after ten years is that this dance is easier said than done.