Friday, January 9, 2009

God and Drugs

In the past two weeks of my back saga I have had two profound impacts: prayer and medication. It has been interesting to come to terms with them. At first I was saying, “Oh, I’m doing better—it’s amazing what prescription drugs can do!” And about that same time Sandra told me of another Oakie in the mall who was praying for me & my back. I flippantly responded, “Based on the sheer volume of prayer I should be fine.” The flippant words hung with a tinge of profundity.

And very quickly I questioned if I was giving credit where credit was due. In short it seemed I was under-crediting God. So in my mind and to people I’d run into in real life or on Facebook, I began to credit God first, and then mention the drugs.

It was a little tweak, but I would say both my spirit and my body felt sincerely better as a result.

In the last two days I’ve been backing off of the meds. Yesterday, I took them only in the morning, none in the afternoon, and for the first time, none at bedtime. As I laid quietly in bed I felt the ever-so-subtle settling of my lower back. And I wondered if it was wise to pass on the meds. I felt no real pain, only the dull oddness of a back out of whack.

I wondered if I would be worse in the morning. Maybe I should send Sandra downstairs to get the drugs. And it occurred to me I was having the same dilemma: where is God in this and where are the drugs in all this? It felt like I was having a little holy war in the moments before I fell asleep; and perhaps I was. I was going between trusting God that all was fine and going for the meds as an insurance policy. I chose to stay on the positive; of trusting God that the night and my back would be fine.

So often God is calling me to trust and the evil one calling me to be wary and unsure. And it occurs to me at these times of physical tiredness or unhealth, that I am more prone to attack and confusion by the evil one; the one I often forget exits.

For the record, I awoke today with nary a pain. For that, I thank God. And to the degree that the meds have helped me these two weeks, I thank God for the doctors and for the meds.

So I guess lately I’m just trying to keep my back and my perspective straight.

(FYI there is still a specialist to see in regard to the bulging disc the MRI revealed. So keep the prayers coming.)